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A Warrior Story

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Isaiah 52:2

“Shake thyself from the dust; arise, and sit down, O Jerusalem: loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”


Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,


And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain . . . And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn… That even sunshine burns if you get too much.


So you plant your garden . . ., Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.


And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And you really do have worth

… And you learn and learn… With every good-bye you learn.

by Jorge Luis Borges

I fled to Delaware looking for sanctuary – like a runaway slave fleeing to the north.  Only I was running from my home where my soul had become enslaved.  My soul was not my own - it was imprisoned by another.  Through years of pain, anguish, and heartache, I managed to remain bound by false convictions and that even today I cannot fully understand.  I left that place I called home - my house, job, friends, and many worldly possessions.  I'd finally decided to be true to myself after twenty-five years in a marriage that simply did not align with Yah's plan for a woman after his design.  Imagine that - a quarter of a century.  Life can teach you a great deal in that amount of time. And I learned a lot.  


I remember the morning I finally made that decision to leave.  I was lying in my bed where I'd slept alone.  My bedroom door was shut.  I could see the sunbeams streaming through the half open window blinds.  As I lied there under the covers in an old beat-up tee shirt, I looked around the room at all the familiar things.  In front of me was a wall unit gracefully displaying family photos and books I had accumulated over the years.  There were many memories on those shelves.  I sighed heavily.  I thought, "this is it.  This is where I get off".  In my wisdom moments, I used to tell my sons, "Don't cheat your older self".  This is what I said to them when they wanted to make a decision that could ultimately come back to haunt them in the future.  I found myself contemplating this very thought as I tried to envision my future. 


How long had I been cheating my older self?  It was this question that gave rise to my decision to change my life and possibly pave the way to a better future.  I did not want to be a little old lady dealing with the same old problem that had been plaguing me for over-two decades - infidelity! The emotional and psychological effects of such abuse can be devastating.  My decision was quite overwhelming.  It rose out of me like a storm out of the sea. I finally made up my mind.

In that moment, I made the choice to save my older self.  That is how I look at it.  Armed with little more than faith and prayer, I took a leap that literally paved the way for a happier life.  If I live to be a 'little old lady' she will thank me.  I ran away from the life of oppression courageous enough to believe that a new one awaited.  Two weeks later, my bags were packed - I got into my SUV and drove away never to return.  I left more behind that day than just a tri-level house - I left the past and looked to the future life I was certain Yah had planned for me. 

Isaiah 43: 18-19 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Yahweh made a way. He put his people right there in the way! He sent help from the sanctuary and strength out of Zion. I found 'home'.

I learned that my true home is really the place where Yahweh has prepared for me – a place where I am what I am and allowed to be what he designed.  I took a walk of faith to make a true home and trusted Yahweh to show me where it was and what it would be. I realized that being shattered isn’t broken and being cast down isn't forsaken. 

Isaiah 54:2 “Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;”

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